happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The best revenge is premature balding
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
should my penis look like a turkey
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Found the puke drawer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
