What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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