I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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