I want to stick my p in your. b.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
