It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
