So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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