Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
