hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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