I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
