Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
