I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just found puke in my bra..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
