Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
