I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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