i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
