Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
