At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
