This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
