Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
