Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
