btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
