You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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