How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
