Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
