I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
