i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
