The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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