tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just pee around me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And then he peed in my hair
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