No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
