just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
