My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
