I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
