The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
