swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is Oprah even human
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
