ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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