I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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