I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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