I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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