I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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