it wasn't lemon gatorade
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
