Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize