obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
