dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
