I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
