I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
