Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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