I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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