dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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