I think scott just propositioned me for sex
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
