when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
