this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
