Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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