I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
