The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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