We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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