I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
