i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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