wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
