She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
