My underwear smells like fireworks.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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