we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
