Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
