Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
