non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
