Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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