There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
