I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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