im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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