You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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