i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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