i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
