also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
