But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
