You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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