Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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