Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize