i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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