I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
