Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
